One year ago today at 1:15 in the morning we got a phone call that changed our lives (and most definitely a season of our lives) forever.
By this time, Dad was already in surgery to repair his aorta. It was very obvious that while yes, they were going to perform the surgery, there was not much hope.
We moved to the waiting room to do just that–wait. And people kept showing up to check on him–us. Little Olive was still in utero and so many people were concerned about me going into early labor. It was completely surreal.
And not long after we heard the phone call from Ali about Dad did God impress upon my heart this verse that I clung to for the next couple of months:
“It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
God was so faithful. Every morning when things should go one way (bad) they would go another. And every day we heard from nurses and doctors to not expect a good outcome. But we did. And taped at the foot of his bed was this verse:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11
Now here we are one year later. Dad still has a long way to go with his hip. He needs to have another surgery to remove the calcium deposits on his hip. Until that surgery, it’s very frustrating to not be gaining any more movement. His heart doctor gave him a clean bill of health–making sure he knew that he was very, very lucky.
We could never say thank you enough to everyone. To God, for more time with him. To our friends and family who supported us during such a scary time. To my husband who stayed with our kids so I could be in the hospital more than I ever dreamed. To my Mom who watched the kids all the other time. We are just very, very grateful.
And today, as we think about what all we have and how far we’ve come–we ask you to remember Thad Johnston’s family–the man who lost his life. While this year has been one of joy and thankfulness for us, I’m sure it’s been quite the opposite for them.
This is the last entry in this blog. Hopefully, there will never be another reason to post on it again! You can always read my other blog if you are interested in keeping up with us.
I was just told that Mike Goucher (Little Mike) is in the hospital in Joplin with a brain infection. He is in desperate need of our prayers!!! Mike and his sister and parents were SOOOO faithful to always be checking on Dad. Now the tables are turning and I am the one feeling helpless. So I am doing what I can from here…praying. I am asking you to do the same. These are the verses I am praying over Mike right now.
19 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
20 He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
21 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.
Today on the drive home after picking Judah up from preschool, I remembered a moment three months ago today.
February 5, 2009
I realized I was following Dad home on 52 from Mound City. He waved his slow, chill wave through the back window.
Now, as I sit here typing this, I am looking at our swing set and I remember another moment three months ago today.
February 5, 2009
Dad was coming home from work and the kids & I were outside on the swing set. Dad honked and the kids were yelling and waving at PaPa Paul.
Flash forward about 9 hours later, a little before 1:00 am.
February 6, 2009
Ali calling, Dad’s being life-flighted, knees hitting the ground with the realization of what was happening. Mom showing up to watch the kids, piling in the SUV with BJ, Ali, Adam & Ashley. Praying he’s okay. Praying I don’t go into labor. Praying and wishing I could disappear. Praying what was happening wasn’t.
And while I sit here typing, it’s like I’m being transported back in time. I can remember so much. And and as much as I want to forget–I want to not forget.
I want to not forget because as bad as it could’ve been–it wasn’t. As deep as my grief could’ve gone–I didn’t have to. As great as God’s mercy was–He gave more.
Remember this:
And because of mercy, I get to go up the road at least once a week a fill the pills for a man who shouldn’t be alive to take any Seriously, though.
And so my family (BJ, me, Zoe, Judah, Shiloh and Olive) won’t forget, we named our sweet Olive with the middle name “MercyAnn”.
Because, really, it’s easy to forget isn’t it? The good things, that is. If Dad had died, I wouldn’t forget it, would I? I’d think about it every day, maybe every few minutes. But the good stuff–now that’s something I could forget.
I might someday forget all the people who came to visit us/Dad in the hospital–when he wasn’t even conscious.
Or Ashley, the amazing ICU nurse who was on call the night Dad was admitted…and was on call the day they discharged him.
Maybe even Dr. Mayor, the man who came to the hospital in the middle of the night to perform a surgery that probably wouldn’t really be successful.
Or the fact that my Aunt Linda and Uncle Dave left their vacation after just arriving there? And they sat with us. And they loved on us. And they helped us in more ways than I could ever count.
And what if I forgot Dad’s amazing friends–the ones who sat with us in the waiting room while we waited for news–good or bad?
Or the friends who cried at the thought of Dad dying or seeing him in his condition? (yes, even tough Harley men cry–I’m a witness
What about my husband who watched our kids so much more than ever so that I could sit by the side of my Dad–who was in a drug induced coma, I might add–just because I needed to be there?
And my Mom, who is super Grandma. Who not only watched our kids, cleaned my house and did our laundry. But cried with us at the news and rejoiced with us at the same time when the news turned positive?
And someday, I might forget that NO nurses really could tell us what to expect after Dad was discharged because they had never seen someone live through what he had been through to see them leave the hospital alive.
So as this blog seems to be coming to “wrap up” stage, I thought I should tell a few more things I don’t ever want to forget–and I don’t want you to forget about me.
I’m sure throughout this blog you’ve noticed my mentioning of God. You see, I have a relationship with Jesus that has rocked my life–for the good. And I haven’t forgotten to tell you about it, I’ve just waited. So now I’m diving in.
so FORGET all you know about religion.
FORGET all of your experiences, good or bad, with “the church”
FORGET about everything you think you know about God. And just listen. I just can’t close this without sharing.
My story is really just a story about redemption, a “paying off” if you will. I am a girl who lived her whole life in the same time as most of you who read this blog. I had parents who took me to church while growing up, much like most of you did. And yet for me, that experience with church didn’t shape or direct my path in how I lived my life. Not that the preaching wasn’t good. Not that I didn’t know “right from wrong”. It just wasn’t real.
And real is a big deal to me. I can’t stand hypocrisy. So as a teenager, I was searching for something real, something true, something I could stand on. A rock.
At 13 I attended a camp where I was presented with Jesus’ message. I felt very moved and loved by God and wanted to dedicate my life to him. I also did not want to go to hell I can’t tell you today which one of those two things was speaking to me louder. I just remember walking forward and praying to God what is commonly referred to as the salvation prayer.
“Jesus, come into my life and into my heart. I admit I am a sinner and I need you. amen”
I went home with a newer understanding of this God and Jesus thing. Mostly I remember feeling pressure to remember and follow a bunch of rules the Bible had for me. I can tell you right now, that is a very, very empty feeling. To be following a distant God, not really understanding what I was doing. So when I was 14 and I had my first boyfriend, I slowly starting forgetting about the commitment I had made to follow God.
I started down a path most teenagers go on if they’re in a relationship, and at 14 I entered into my first sexual relationship. Every year I went back to that camp, hoping I could reconnect and really come back and find myself a different person but I always fell right back into where I had left off. I had opened the door to finding my security in how some 16 year old guy felt about me. And that security would haunt me until the day I found true freedom.
I can honestly say I am not sure what it was about my senior year in high school that got me really thinking about the God thing. I knew all the rules and I knew I was breaking them. But deep down, I just knew, there has to be more to this life, right? The opportunity came up for me to go on a trip to Jamaica with the same camp organization, and I went. For the first time in my life, I was around a group of friends who were fun, nice AND were following Jesus. It was unbelievable. And from that moment I knew I wanted to not only be a Christian but live like one. And live I have.
When I say “live” I’m not talking about actions. I’m talking about the LIFE I have found in a relationship with Jesus.
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
Even as I type this, I can’t seem to put into words what is in my spirit right now. I am FREE.
Bondage that once held me down is gone.
Addictions I couldn’t break, I am free from.
A love I could never grasp has loved me.
A peace I was chasing has washed over me.
A stagnant Bible became alive to me.
I have been pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ for 14 years this past March and I have never been let down.
It doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced
pain
sadness
anger
bitterness
jealousy
hopelessness
But what it does mean is I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, who I trust knows what is best for me. A Father who chose to send His son to die on a tree for me. And for you.
The reason I asked you to forget all you have heard or know is because so much of what we believe about God or Jesus is sent through a filter of our own experiences. But if you just stand back and look at His story of love for you, how can you not enter in?
And guess what? God forgets, too.
“I’ll wipe the slate clean for each of them. I’ll forget they ever sinned!” Jer. 31:34 (the Message)
I am well aware there are questions. Isn’t Christianity arrogant? How can you really know? What about all of the other religions? What about evil? If God were a good God…? God isn’t afraid of your questions. And He’s not afraid to answer them, either. And I wish I could answer every one of them. I know I can’t. But there are so many resources out there to guide you in your search. If you are interested in those, click on the links at the bottom of this page.
As for this post and blog–I just ask you this:
Forget what you know and pursue Jesus and see what you find.
Don’t forget the miracle you’ve witnessed in my Dad’s life.
And know this about Our God.
15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands”
Is. 49:15-16
This song does an amazing job of putting to music what I feel…(never mind the video, it’s the words I love)
This is the longest I’ve gone without posting since I started this blog, I think. I really don’t have much new news anymore–and I am not complaining about it!
Dad is doing well, getting more feeling in his left foot, which is awesome. He’s having in home physical therapy. I know just getting home has done wonders for his spirits. He had a meeting with his heart doctor and he doesn’t need to see him anymore which I consider a great thing.
He has had so many visitors, so many gifts of food, cards in the mail, phone calls and much more. Ali, Adam and BJ & I have been offered help if we needed it at every turn. I’ve been trying to write things down and keep track of who has brought or done what. I know without a doubt I’m going to miss someone. Please, please know we could never write adequately or express our thankfulness. I have been absolutely blown away by the generosity, camaraderie, and genuine care we have been shown during this time. Please know, if you did something for us, it meant something. It didn’t go unnoticed, it blessed us.
Before BJ & I decided to move back to Kansas, we were looking forward to living close to our family and being in a smaller community. We never could’ve imagined how Dad’s wreck would bring both of those things we so deeply desired into complete focus. My family has always been precious to me and I have always loved my Dad and been proud to be his daughter. But to see how many people love him and who would do for him whatever was needed, it has really been a gift. As his family, I don’t feel like we’ve done anything unique–we’ve done what anyone who loved their family member would do. And to stand on this side of this, to drive up to his house, to hear his voice on the phone, to see him smile. Well, I am amazed and not taking it for granted.
So this is an informal “thank you” I know, but it comes from a very deep part of me. We have experienced community in an amazing way–I pray BJ & I and all of us can be to some of you what you have been to us.
I still don’t know what time Dad is coming home but it looks like it will for sure be today. yay!! I’m so excited. BJ’s tiling his bathroom right now, the lift is working and the house is clean (thank you Ashley and Jaxsun and whoever else did something I don’t know about!). The kids are getting ready to make a welcome home sign for Pa Pa Paul. Very cool.
Okay, so on the other post I mentioned something about meals. If you want to make a meal for him, PLEASE send me a comment as soon as you can. I am putting together a calendar to try and prevent overlapping and that would help so much. Please do not feel obligated to do this–this is just a way for the ones who have been asking what they can do to do just that. No pressure at all.
As for the comments, if you have not sent a message to Dad or a picture to me, please do so now!! Here’s a repeat of the information from the previous post.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
I want to print out all of this blog and most importantly all of the comments from people and list on there too all of the people who have been by the hospital. This site has had close to 10,000 hits!! But I know that not everyone who has looked at the blog has posted a comment–and that’s okay. It is vulnerable to post a message on there for everyone to see, so here’s what I’m asking:
If you haven’t left Dad a message and you don’t mind doing so on here, PLEASE do it.
If you don’t want to post it, email it to me at oldnavygirl76@hotmail.com
If you still don’t want to do that and you’d rather send him a personal message in the mail, email me for the address
If you visited Dad at the hospital or don’t really want to leave a message but have looked at the blog, just leave a comment with only your name on it.
AND FINALLY, if you have time, PLEASE email me a picture of you and your family so I can put a face to a name when I put it altogether. Just don’t forget to put your name with the picture you send. I think this will be so awesome!
Seriously, though.
