One year ago today.

One year ago today at 1:15 in the morning we got a phone call that changed our lives (and most definitely a season of our lives) forever.

By this time, Dad was already in surgery to repair his aorta.  It was very obvious that while yes, they were going to perform the surgery, there was not much hope.

We moved to the waiting room to do just that–wait.  And people kept showing up to check on him–us.   Little Olive was still in utero and so many people were concerned about me going into early labor. It was completely surreal.

And not long after we heard the phone call from Ali about Dad did God impress upon my heart this verse that I clung to for the next couple of months:

“It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His mercies never fail.  They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

God was so faithful.   Every morning when things should go one way (bad) they would go another.  And every day we heard from nurses and doctors to not expect a good outcome.  But we did.  And taped at the foot of his bed was this verse:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,  “plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.”  Jer. 29:11

Now here we are one year later.  Dad still has a long way to go with his hip.  He needs to have another surgery to remove the calcium deposits on his hip.  Until that surgery, it’s very frustrating to not be gaining any more movement.  His heart doctor gave him a clean bill of health–making sure he knew that he was very, very lucky.

We could never say thank you enough to everyone.  To God, for more time with him.  To our friends and family who supported us during such a scary time.  To my husband who stayed with our kids so I could be in the hospital more than I ever dreamed.    To my Mom who watched the kids all the other time.  We are just very, very grateful.

And today, as we think about what all we have and how far we’ve come–we ask you to remember Thad Johnston’s family–the man who lost his life.  While this year has been one of joy and thankfulness for us, I’m sure it’s been quite the opposite for them.

This is the last entry in this blog.  Hopefully, there will never be another reason to post on it again!  You can always read my other blog if you are interested in keeping up with us.

I was just told that Mike Goucher (Little Mike) is in the hospital in Joplin with a brain infection.  He is in desperate need of our prayers!!!  Mike and his sister and parents were SOOOO faithful to always be checking on Dad.  Now the tables are turning and I am the one feeling helpless.  So I am doing what I can from here…praying.  I am asking you to do the same.  These are the verses I am praying over Mike right now.

¹⁹ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.

²⁰ He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.

²¹ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.

Psalm 107:19-21

February 5, 2009

I realized I was following Dad home on 52 from Mound City.  He waved his slow, chill wave through the back window.

Now, as I sit here typing this, I am looking at our swing set and I remember another moment three months ago today.

February 5, 2009

Dad was coming home from work and the kids & I were outside on the swing set.  Dad honked and the kids were yelling and waving at PaPa Paul.

Flash forward about 9 hours later, a little before 1:00 am.

February 6, 2009

Ali calling, Dad’s being life-flighted, knees hitting the ground with the realization of what was happening.  Mom showing up to watch the kids, piling in the SUV with BJ, Ali, Adam & Ashley.  Praying he’s okay.  Praying I don’t go into labor.  Praying and wishing I could disappear.  Praying what was happening wasn’t.

And while I sit here typing, it’s like I’m being transported back in time.  I can remember so much.  And and as much as I want to forget–I want to not forget.

I want to not forget because as bad as it could’ve been–it wasn’t.  As deep as my grief could’ve gone–I didn’t have to.  As great as God’s mercy was–He gave more.

Remember this:

And because of mercy, I get to go up the road at least once a week a fill the pills for a man who shouldn’t be alive to take any   Seriously, though.

And so my family (BJ, me, Zoe, Judah, Shiloh and Olive) won’t forget, we named our sweet Olive with the middle name “MercyAnn”.

Because, really, it’s easy to forget isn’t it?  The good things, that is.  If Dad had died, I wouldn’t forget it, would I?  I’d think about it every day, maybe every few minutes.  But the good stuff–now that’s something I could forget.

• I might someday forget all the people who came to visit us/Dad in the hospital–when he wasn’t even conscious.
• Or Ashley, the amazing ICU nurse who was on call the night Dad was admitted…and was on call the day they discharged him.
• Maybe even Dr. Mayor, the man who came to the hospital in the middle of the night to perform a surgery that probably wouldn’t really be successful.
• Or the fact that my Aunt Linda and Uncle Dave left their vacation after just arriving there?  And they sat with us.  And they loved on us.  And they helped us in more ways than I could ever count.
• And what if I forgot Dad’s amazing friends–the ones who sat with us in the waiting room while we waited for news–good or bad?
• Or the friends who cried at the thought of Dad dying or seeing him in his condition?  (yes, even tough Harley men cry–I’m a witness
• What about my husband who watched our kids so much more than ever so that I could sit by the side of my Dad–who was in a drug induced coma, I might add–just because I needed to be there?
• And my Mom, who is super Grandma.  Who not only watched our kids, cleaned my house and did our laundry.  But cried with us at the news and rejoiced with us at the same time when the news turned positive?

And someday, I might forget that NO nurses really could tell us what to expect after Dad was discharged because they had never seen someone live through what he had been through to see them leave the hospital alive.

So as this blog seems to be coming to “wrap up” stage, I thought I should tell a few more things I don’t ever want to forget–and I don’t want you to forget about me.

I’m sure throughout this blog you’ve noticed my mentioning of God.  You see, I have a relationship with Jesus that has rocked my life–for the good.  And I haven’t forgotten to tell you about it, I’ve just waited.  So now I’m diving in.

so FORGET all you know about religion.

FORGET all of your experiences, good or bad, with “the church”

FORGET about everything you think you know about God.  And just listen.  I just can’t close this without sharing.

My story is really just a story about redemption, a “paying off” if you will.  I am a girl who lived her whole life in the same time as most of you who read this blog.  I had parents who took me to church while growing up, much like most of you did.  And yet for me, that experience with church didn’t shape or direct my path in how I lived my life.  Not that the preaching wasn’t good.  Not that I didn’t know “right from wrong”.  It just wasn’t real.

And real is a big deal to me.  I can’t stand hypocrisy.  So as a teenager, I was searching for something real, something true, something I could stand on.  A rock.

At 13 I attended a camp where I was presented with Jesus’ message.  I felt very moved and loved by God and wanted to dedicate my life to him.  I also did not want to go to hell   I can’t tell you today which one of those two things was speaking to me louder.  I just remember walking forward and praying to God what is commonly referred to as the salvation prayer.

“Jesus, come into my life and into my heart.  I admit I am a sinner and I need you.  amen”

I went home with a newer understanding of this God and Jesus thing.  Mostly I remember feeling pressure to remember and follow a bunch of rules the Bible had for me.  I can tell you right now, that is a very, very empty feeling.  To be following a distant God, not really understanding what I was doing.  So when I was 14 and I had my first boyfriend, I slowly starting forgetting about the commitment I had made to follow God.

I started down a path most teenagers go on if they’re in a relationship, and at 14 I entered into my first sexual relationship.  Every year I went back to that camp, hoping I could reconnect and really come back and find myself a different person but I always fell right back into where I had left off.  I had opened the door to finding my security in how some 16 year old guy felt about me.  And that security would haunt me until the day I found true freedom.

I can honestly say I am not sure what it was about my senior year in high school that got me really thinking about the God thing.  I knew all the rules and I knew I was breaking them.  But deep down, I just knew, there has to be more to this life, right?  The opportunity came up for me to go on a trip to Jamaica with the same camp organization, and I went.  For the first time in my life, I was around a group of friends who were fun, nice AND were following Jesus.  It  was unbelievable.  And from that moment I knew I wanted to not only be a Christian but live like one.  And live I have.

When I say “live” I’m not talking about actions.  I’m talking about the LIFE I have found in a relationship with Jesus.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

Even as I type this, I can’t seem to put into words what is in my spirit right now.  I am FREE.

Bondage that once held me down is gone.

Addictions I couldn’t break, I am free from.

A love I could never grasp has loved me.

A peace I was chasing has washed over me.

A stagnant Bible became alive to me.

I have been pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ for 14 years this past March and I have never been let down.

It doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced

• pain
• sadness
• anger
• bitterness
• jealousy
• hopelessness

But what it does mean is I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, who I trust knows what is best for me.  A Father who chose to send His son to die on a tree for me.  And for you.

The reason I asked you to forget all you have heard or know is because so much of what we believe about God or Jesus is sent through a filter of our own experiences.  But if you just stand back and look at His story of love for you, how can you not enter in?

And guess what?  God forgets, too.

“I’ll wipe the slate clean for each of them. I’ll forget they ever sinned!” Jer. 31:34 (the Message)

I am well aware there are questions.  Isn’t Christianity arrogant?  How can you really know?  What about all of the other religions?  What about evil?  If God were a good God…?  God isn’t afraid of your questions.  And He’s not afraid to answer them, either.  And I wish I could answer every one of them.  I know I can’t.  But there are so many resources out there to guide you in your search.  If you are interested in those, click on the links at the bottom of this page.

As for this post and blog–I just ask you this:

Forget what you know and pursue Jesus and see what you find.

Don’t forget the miracle you’ve witnessed in my Dad’s life.

And know this about Our God.

¹⁵ “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!

¹⁶ See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands”

Is. 49:15-16

This song does an amazing job of putting to music what I feel…(never mind the video, it’s the words I love)

A picture of what God can do…

Ravi Zacharias (apologetics)

Answers in Genesis (God in science)

Bible Gateway (the Bible online)

Judah’s prayer this morning was for God to give Stellan a long life like He did Pa Pa Paul.  How sweet it that?

This post said to wear orange for Stellan, so here they are. 

Dad is doing well, getting more feeling in his left foot, which is awesome.  He’s having in home physical therapy.  I know just getting home has done wonders for his spirits.  He had a meeting with his heart doctor and he doesn’t need to see him anymore which I consider a great thing.

He has had so many visitors, so many gifts of food, cards in the mail, phone calls and much more.  Ali, Adam and BJ & I  have been offered help if we needed it at every turn.  I’ve been trying to write things down and keep track of who has brought or done what.  I know without a doubt I’m going to miss someone.  Please, please know we could never write  adequately or express our thankfulness.  I have been absolutely blown away by the generosity, camaraderie, and genuine care we have been shown during this time.  Please know, if you did something for us, it meant something.  It didn’t go unnoticed, it blessed us.

Before BJ & I decided to move back to Kansas, we were looking forward to living close to our family and being in a smaller community.  We never could’ve imagined how Dad’s wreck would bring both of those things we so deeply desired into complete focus.  My family has always been precious to me and I have always loved my Dad and been proud to be his daughter.  But to see how many people love him and who would do for him whatever was needed, it has really been a gift.  As his family, I don’t feel like we’ve done anything unique–we’ve done what anyone who loved their family member would do.  And to stand on this side of this, to drive up to his house, to hear his voice on the phone, to see him smile.  Well, I am amazed and not taking it for granted.

So this is an informal “thank you” I know, but it comes from a very deep part of me.  We have experienced community in an amazing way–I pray BJ & I and all of us can be to some of you what you have been to us.

(one more post coming before Easter, I promise!)

Okay, so on the other post I mentioned something about meals.  If you want to make a meal for him, PLEASE send me a comment as soon as you can. I am putting together a calendar to try and prevent overlapping and that would help so much.  Please do not feel obligated to do this–this is just a way for the ones who have been asking what they can do to do just that.  No pressure at all.

As for the comments, if you have not sent a message to Dad or a picture to me, please do so now!! Here’s a repeat of the information from the previous post.

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I want to print out all of this blog and most importantly all of the comments from people  and list on there too all of the people who have been by the hospital.  This site has had close to 10,000 hits!!  But I know that not everyone who has looked at the blog has posted a comment–and that’s okay.  It is vulnerable to post a message on there for everyone to see, so here’s what I’m asking:

1. If you haven’t left Dad a message and you don’t mind doing so on here, PLEASE do it.
2. If you don’t want to post it, email it to me at oldnavygirl76@hotmail.com
3. If you still don’t want to do that and you’d rather send him a personal message in the mail, email me for the address
4. If you visited Dad at the hospital or don’t really want to leave a message but have looked at the blog, just leave a comment with only your name on it.
5. AND FINALLY, if you have time, PLEASE email me a picture of you and your family so I can put a face to a name when I put it altogether.  Just don’t forget to put your name with the picture you send.   I think this will be so awesome!

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Thanks again, I’ll keep you updated.

you’ll have to read the whole post to hear about this meeting

Psalm 126:3

³ The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

This might be the most exciting post I have ever put on this blog.  THIS WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25, DAD IS COMING HOME!!  You read it right and we could not be more excited.  If I’m being honest, and you know I have been, there were moments along this ride when I didn’t think this day would come.  Deep down, the Lord has kept me in His perfect peace–but I was fully aware that peace didn’t necessarily mean I would be getting what we all wanted.  But God is good and He has healed Dad in major ways–and in other ways, slowly healing him still.  We could not be more grateful.

So now the questions come…I hope I can answer them accurately.  Many of you have seen Dad, many of you have not.  Here’s the deal–when I first pictured Dad coming home from the hospital/rehab facility, I figured by this point he would be pretty much close to functioning as he used to be.  This is not the case.  That was just my assumption, but I thought there might be some of you who have felt the same way.  Here are a few things to note:

• Dad is still in a wheelchair.  Although his strength is getting better every day, he still has a long way to go.
• He still does not have feeling in his left leg where the nerve was damaged.  The doctor told him it could be months before he regains that feeling.
• Because he is still in a wheelchair, Adam, BJ & quite a few of Dad’s friends have worked together to install a lift that will take him from the garage to the upstairs.  Pray for them as they work on this–I am so blown away by their willingness and time they’re putting in to making it possible for Dad to come home.
• Hospital bed, handicapped bathroom, etc.  will be in his home

I don’t want to make it sound depressing–it isn’t!!  I just want those of you who have an expectation of Dad hopping in the truck and running into him at Pete’s to be aware that isn’t going to be happening for awhile.  A couple of other things

• I am not sure what time Dad will be coming home on Wed.–and just a side note, I am sure all of this could change, even the date he’s released.  But as of now, this is what they have told him.
• I do not have any idea when he’ll be up to visitors.  I’m just going to let those of you who want to see him to call him personally and work that out with him.

Tomorrow I will be posting about people possibly bringing him meals?  I would really love to see this happen because so many people have wanted to do something tangible and I know it will be a huge help.

As for the picture above–well, what an awesome surprise.  Dad was given an “afternoon pass” (along with a curfew, so give him a hard time about that one!).  He chose to spend his afternoon meeting his newest grandbaby, Olive.  I could not have been more thrilled.  Between Dad coming home and him meeting Olive I am on cloud nine.  Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who prayed in earnest for this to be the outcome!   Here are a few more pictures from Saturday.  Thank you, Donnie (I mean, Don for going and getting him.  You’re awesome!

I have a couple of more things to write but I’ll wait until tomorrow.  Keep praying!!

*Since Dad has come out of his coma and has been more a part of all of the decision making, I have backed off with my involvement in that area and with blogging.  I’m sure you can understand why.  AT THE SAME TIME, I just can’t handle leaving you hanging!  You have walked this road with us so faithfully and we have felt your love and seen prayers answered, so I don’t intend to stop blogging altogether.  I just know it will take a different turn, you know?

1)  That he’s been in there for close to two months  2)  That he’s close to coming home

Those points seem to be at opposite ends, huh?  This journey has been a roller coaster.  I cannot WAIT for him to be right up the road again, it almost seems unreal.  Thanks for walking this road with us.  We feel so blessed to have so many people who love Dad–and in turn have loved on us.  It’s really an amazing feeling.